“He arises at 4:00am. He knows it’s 4:00am because he can read the stars and their place in heavens above him on his plot of land, on which he lives with no deed/patent from the evil government and which he found as he was crawling on fours; merely an infant. He learned how to read the stars and the time through his observations during his toddler years. The scientific method was his preferred mode of learning. Though, as yet, he knew not that it had a name.
His toddler years.
Quite dismal by our standards as he was reduced to eating anything his chubby little fingers could place into his mouth as he was crawling on all fours. The self made man has no parent having sprung from the head of Zeus or some such; fully formed as an infant but fully capable, unlike other lesser mammals, of living without nourishment until such time as he could learn which leaves and berries were safe to eat.
But he did it, this self made infant, without the help or nurturing of any parent; naked and alone in the wild; avoided by any wildlife who, under normal circumstances, might perceive him as prey or lunch or snack. Fortunately for the self made man, the predators recognized his unique position as the self made infant and left him to live and to fend for himself. No wolf boy, our self made man, as the wolves knew they were not worthy of such a task as raising the self made infant to boyhood.
Upon arising, our self made man, dons the clothes of his own making. He planted the seed, harvested the crop, spun the fiber, wove the fiber, and sewed his own clothing which he intuited he should have; all with his own chubby fingers, then with his more dexterous fingers as he grew into the self made child.
He just knew how to plant and to grow and to water and to fertilize (okay, maybe that was an accident when he still hadn’t knowledge of the outhouse) the seed which he had just known he needed to grow the crop to create his own clothes which he just knew he needed in order to be successful in the world in which he’s never traversed.
As he dons his self made clothes, cleaned with his self made soap, he thinks of his goals for the day.
He puts the water from his self made well, on his self made stove to heat up for his self grown coffee crop. Fortunately, oh wait, no, Fortune has nothing to do with our self made man. Our self made infant knew to find a place in which he could grow the beans for coffee and find clean and safe water for drinking and making coffee and bathing. He intuited the bathing part as he noticed the not-self made animals held their nose at his stink. But, I digress.
He puts the water on the stove to heat using his self cut wood which he knew to chop since he is self made infant/child/man and waits for the water to boil so he can make his self made coffee.
With his coffee he has his self made cereal; harvested from his self made farm while reading the Wall Street Journal so he can see how his self made stocks are doing.
Wait? Wut? Of course he taught himself to read and to understand “The Market”. He’s a self made man.
Not a whit of education or help from parent or human, much less government, our self made man has taught himself, with no books, or tutors, or teachers, how to read, how to do sums, how to track ROI, and how to run a business, with no input, from any human or animal, at any stage of his self made development.
He grows his own clothes, grows his own food, cleans his own self made self, manufactures his own tools, learns his own lessons, knowns for his own self made self the markers of success, and treats his own wounds and illness.
No one gave him anything. He did it all on his own.
He is a wonder.
He is a super man.
He is…The Self Made Man.”
(please note: this is sarcasm)